When Election Day arrives on Tuesday, everyone will be anticipating a shit storm for the Democrats. It appears the nation has been swept up by a wave of conservative backlash caused, in part, by the political influence of the Tea Party ‘movement.’ What we stand to see on Tuesday is the triumph of a number of far right conservatives in states like Nevada and Florida who have, in some cases, gone against the Republican establishment in order to rise to power. These conservatives, such as Sharron Angle and Marco Rubio, have seized a moment in American politics, a moment that has allowed an opportunity to raise historic amounts of money towards their campaign bids for public office that never would have been possible a year ago. This same political climate, these politicians claim, will help champion their conservative ideals and inspire a new brand of politics in Washington. The only problem is one thing: they forgot to run their campaigns on a political platform that is even remotely fucking feasible. In fact, they will be beating the Democrats come Tuesday by building a mountain of bullshit that lies atop a gently and strategically placed mesh of hay covering a deep, dark hole with spikes at the bottom of it. You know—like the one at the end of Goonies where Data almost parishes were not for his trusty plastic teeth attached to a Slinky that turned out to be one of his successful inventions. The only difference here is that the Tea Party Republicans do not have any such ingenuity and they will eventually impale themselves on the spikes at the bottom of the long, dark pit.
See, the Tea Party platform—this notion that government is bad, that the deficit is too high, and that all we need is a whole lot of tax cuts in order to stimulate the economy and create jobs—is a terribly impossible one. We’re not going to do anything about the deficit unless some taxes are raised or unless someone has a clear and far-reaching plan to create large economic growth in this country. Tea Party candidates not only don’t have a coherent plan to grow the economy, but they are also unsupportive of the areas of the economy where growth can be nurtured like in science and green technology. Now, I’m not saying that the Democrats have done a great job in pushing forward their agenda. And President Obama ran his 2008 campaign on a platform that set him up for sure failure as he created impossibly high expectations to live up to. But, his administration continues to have a plan for the future—one is founded in reality. I will continue to argue that he has been completely inept at executing this plan due to a lack of balls and his refusal to shove policy down the clenched throats of Republicans. Yet, it remains a focused platform (as methodical as it may be), one that is contrary to the impossible nature of what conservatives are proposing.
So, go ahead fuckwads—take back the House. In fact, I have already been planning on how much fun I am going to have when the Sharon Angle’s and the Mark Rubio’s of the world take their first crack at solving the troubles we find ourselves in. Because, when they dig into their pockets for the answers and all they find are blank checks from anonymous corporate donors with nothing written in the memos, then, the idiots of this country will realize that the answers were something lost in the waves of confusion that was the election of 2010.
Mark my fucking words, Friends of Freemont, as I continue to tell you that this modern day ‘Tea Party’ is not a movement. And, since the Democrats are apparently too much a bunch of pussies to play the hard kind of politics that are needed to defeat the mindless masses of clueless assholes, it will take people like us to lead our own revolution if we want to wake up in a world that makes sense anymore.
I am may be an eternal pessimist, but it is because of this that I am willing to fight.
Your Sergeant at Arms in this Chaos of Shit,
Freemont B. Barrington
