So, if you haven’t heard, a local Somervillian worked on his above 1,905-page opus for 5 years before taking his life a couple weeks ago. Today I wrote the following joke for my TV Show. I will not being using it on the show, but didn’t want it to go to waste. Enjoy:
A priest, a rabbi, and Mitchell Heisman walk into a bar and sit down next to each other. Heisman takes up the topic of Nihilism and how he believes God doesn’t exist. The priest, disgusted, stands up and says: “I can prove that God exists. See this wine, I will bless it and it will turn into blood.” He does a prayer over the wine and says: “There, it’s blood—God exists.” The rabbi then stands up and says: “I’m not falling for that old gag. I’ll prove that God really exists.” The rabbi rolls up his sleeve to reveal a concentration camp number on his forearm. “For 3 weeks I survived without food or water,” he says. “God exists.” Then, Mitchell Heisman stands up in front of the bar and he says: “I’ll prove to you both that God doesn’t exist. I’ve spent the last five years writing a 1,905-page philosophical masterpiece that will be my suicide note. Tomorrow, I’m going to kill myself with a handgun in Harvard Square. And, two weeks after I do, I want you to tune into Channel 3 on Wednesday night at 9:30. Because the only people who will be talking about my masterpiece will be two idiots on a Community Access Television show. There truly is no God.”
Sorry, Mitch.
- Freemont
