A Freebie from Freemont

Governor Deval Patrick has a message for his campaign this year— you can choose to move forward or you can choose to move backward. It remains to be seen if this campaign slogan will pay off in the polls. But one thing that’s for sure after last night’s election in Massachusetts is that it’s better than nothing at all. If the Democrats want to lose this November, they’ll do just that—nothing. They will play the moderate route and decide not to push this healthcare bill through the House before Scott Brown takes office. So, go ahead and do it, you fucks—play it safe. Don’t take a stand against the Republican obstructionists.  I can hear your bullshit quacks and coo’s already. But know that if you do this you can expect just what everyone’s been predicting for this November.

The healthcare bill is much like fucking Jay Leno, the way I see it. Most of America watched Leno on the Tonight Show because they are stupid people. They like lame jokes and they haven’t the slightest idea what good, edgy comedy is.  Much is the same with healthcare. These old, stupid fucks that make up half this country will keep taking it up the ass with a lame system that doesn’t work because they are perfectly comfortable with the safety inside the status quo.

So, it becomes up to the Democrats to take a chance and show the American public what it is that the American public really needs. Jesus-fucking-Christ—is this the same party that rallied behind a black man named Barack Obama for the presidency? Or will it turn into the party that stood back while Martha Coakley ran a conservative, weak campaign and allowed the treasured senate seat of Edward M. Kennedy be lost to a fucking guy who drives a truck?

Well, let me tell you something, you lame Democrat fucks— I hate trucks. And if you stand by while this one drives itself right through your healthcare plan, you will get what you deserve. So, what is it then? Is it time to move forward or is time to take a giant, conservative step back?

If the healthcare bill is pushed through the House right now, Gramma will eventually wake up and realize that she’s still alive. If it’s not, the question is: will you?

Your Political Strategist for Hire,

Mr. Freemont Barrington

Dear Massachusetts,

You have a choice in 2010: you can go back or you can go forward. But the truth is the same way it’s always been: if you’re an Inner, thou shall prosper; if you’re a Prole, thou shall remain the same (Google Eric Blair if you’re having trouble with that reference). The one thing I can, however, suggest in 2010 (if you haven’t already) is taking advantage of this pot law we have in place.  If traveling with under an ounce- don’t give your name and all identity will be kept a secret in light marijuana use. I bring a pocket of fun everywhere I go these days.  In these trying times, there’s plenty of need for it.

Your Reluctant, Proud Resident,

Freemont Barrington  

Friday, Friday, Friday.  Fuck yeah, Friday.  President Obama gives this Boston area another quick trip (I believe the first since taking office, not including the vacation to Martha’s and his attendance of Teddy’s funeral).  

The Plan you ask?  To raise money for Deval Patrick’s upcoming governor race and to address a group of community leaders, business heads, and a very small amount of MIT students and staff (the MIT Tech reporting that there have been very few tickets issued to the event) about the importance of clean energy.  In doing so, the president will also acknowledge his advocacy for the Kerry/Boxer climate bill.

And there it is, folks — your first Freemont On the Scene report.  Now, for the fun part— my vulgar analysis of the events:

I’d like to start by saying that, from the best I can tell, the president will be staying at or near the Westin Copley Place Hotel where the Patrick raiser will be.  So, steer clear of that area tomorrow if you’re a terrorist-looking mother fucker or if you’re someone who generally does not get along with the cops because Boston’s finest will be in full effect with their hardest and reddest of pricks in plain sight and their billy clubs at a close hand.  Unless, of course, you’re looking to get imprisoned wrongfully and go after city hall with some ALCU lawsuit shit.  If that’s the case, all the fucking power to you.  Might as well get your money’s worth and give those Boston pigs an ear full for your pal, Freemont.

And now, the lyrical metaphor for the weekend, which I will barrow from another fellow vulgarian: The negroes in the forest brightly feathered.  And, yes, they are a beautiful beast to behold.  Both gentlemen with roots in Chicago and working their way up to graduate from Harvard Law.  Certainly these are admirable feats that anyone could aspire to.  But, right now, it appears that all we have right now is just that: two negroes in the forest—brightly colored and looking fucking magnificent—but faced with a path tightly wound with thick-dicked vines and a dark, uphill mountain of shit that they’ve made little headway on. And all of this while both men are steadily losing faith from the left-leaning factions that brought them into the forest to lead the way out.

I don’t know what you folks have been hearing in your local circles, but I was at a GNC the other day to buy some vitamins (so that my prick will be able to get hard into my later life) when I heard a brother describe Deval Patrick as being “worse than George Bush.” An exaggerated statement in my mind, but, fuck, if I didn’t see his point.  It’s been three-plus years and what has the governor of Massachusetts really done that we can hang our hats on?  Sure, the brother supported gay marriage during a time when we thought it might be taken away, but we’ve got that shit covered now, Deval.  It seems to me that it’s time to start focussing your efforts on the communities in and around Boston— the people who are being eternally fucked over with the constant flow of bureaucratic bullshit that has plagued this fucking town for way the fuck too long. It’s enough for someone to start up a new Winter Hill Gang and burn some shit down, if you ask me.  And maybe we should do that.  We could call it the Free Gang… no initiation fees… just plans, undertakings, and executions (as in: executing tasks, soundly).

As for Obama— he strolls into town with his mating feathers perked to be followed, but a seemingly circuitous route out of the forest of shit, one that’s got the left factions wanting to take a look at the fucking map he’s holding and say: We sketched the fucking blueprint for this one, man.  You can’t just take the thing out of our hands and run with it.  And now here we are— as the conservatives dictate the healthcare debate and the hawks pressure to go deeper into the mountain-hole fuck of Afghanistan— wondering what happened to it all.  It’s enough for a wandering ban of tribesmen to want to piss themselves while they get high on grass and look up at the stars rather than do any more fucking walking.

So— there comes a time, my friends, when things need to be made more interesting; a time when chances have to be taken; a right moment when the revolutionaries of this world need to pull up their boot straps, put some makeup on their faces, and look into that camera and say: Hello, world.  Let’s go ahead and make this thing a fucking party.

- Freemont Barrington